Below are the 11 most recent journal entries recorded in afro-dite's LiveJournal:

Monday, August 7th, 2006
11:16 am	Fuck it.....Im back I am convinced that god DOES NOT want me to go to new york. I've been tryin to go since for weeks, and everyday since then there has been something that kept me from going. First the whole situation wit' grandpa kept me from going. But that's over and done with. Fast forward a week later, I'm still planning on goin up north, but things keep happening. We were gonna leave thursday, but I had this killer headache, and the car broke down. So we leave early friday morning (2 a.m.). We're on the road, and I start gettin' sick as hell. My forehead feels like a got a fuckin' sumo wrestler sittin' on it. We get there about 4 o'clock. I would be in a "home-sweet-home moood" but my chest and my back suddenly start hurting. I deal with that pain all day saturday, until I call mom and tell her about whats been goin on. She got real worried and demanded that I come back. So here I am now. I was only gone two days, and I cant say I enjoyed it at all. I honestly thought I was dyin' or some shit. It's kinda funny, but I was actually preparing myself to die. Hahaha! Sometimes I would just lay there and think "this is the end. I'll just sit here and die quietly." 'Cause thats how bad I felt. Maybe it was a sign from god, telling me that I shouldnt go. Maybe i'm needed here er' somethin. Oh well, I'll just have to go in the winter. DA' FRO IS BACK!!!!!!!! Current Mood: weird Current Music: A 9th wonder beat (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 25th, 2006
4:36 am	Insomnia..... Im back again. Its' almost 5 a.m. And here I am. Still at the computer. I said I was gonna be in bed by 12 today.....look at how that turned out. Afro boy cant sleep. Too much stuff on my mind. Keeping me awake. I actually tried, but this headache I had wouldnt lemme get a moment of peace. I love nights like this though. Just knowing that im awake while the rest of the world around me is asleep is kinda fun. But everything is so quiet. The sounds you wouldnt be able to hear during the day are so loud at this hour. I almost had the tv on mute, and it sounded like I was blasting. Im kinda paranoid too. Every little sound has me peeping down the hall. I dunno why. Today (well, it was really yesterday) was weird. Im hoping I can get myself together tomorow (well....uh today, with it being around 5 a.m.) Im gonna go pass out in front of the tv now. Peace! (Comment on this)
2:04 am	Hoping things will turn up.... I hate to complain, but things havent been looking too great for me lately. Wow, me of all people saying that? Unbelievable! Though I normally try to stay positive through anything, I suddenly feel weighed down by troubles. And the part that really throws the pain on me, is that I feel like I deserve all the bad things that life is putting on me right now. I've always kinda believed in that whole karma thing. Ive been told "what goes around comes around" ever since I was little. It's probably grown on me, 'cause now Im stuck on the idea that everything I do, good and bad, will have an effect on me in the future. If that's the case, then I must be doing wrong constantly without realizing it. 'Cause it seems nothing good has been coming my way. I dont get it though. I try to be the best person I possibly can. I do everything I can to help other people, hoping they would do the same for me one day. I've done crazy things for people who probably dont give a fuck about me, just to make some sort of impression on myself. Just so I can feel good about myself. Just knowing I've done some good in this world before I leave one day. It puts a smile on my face before I go to sleep at night(or early morning, which ever). Shit, I even stood up for my little brother (who would never do a damn thing for me) when my whole family was making him feel like crap over somethin that he shouldnt've been blamed for anyhow. I do shit like that to prove to myself that I have some kind of heart. To show that everyone isnt some heartless bastard only looking out for themselves. Thats how I live my life. And Im happy doing it that way. Yet, I also feel like Im also putting myself down at the same time. Like there is something horrible that Im doing or have done thats coming back to me. Some of the people around me arent really helping either. Lately, I feel un-appreciated and used. I honestly dont ask for much, but what little I do ask for, I never get. And people who I am usually close to seem to be drifting away. I had a fight wit my grandpa, and I thought I'd never see that happen. We've always been so close. He took care of me when no-one else would. We always understood eachother. I've always respected him. But I just felt disconnected from him that day. I feel like that with other people sometimes too. I just wanna make everybody happy, but it seems no-one wants the same for me....I put everyone else before myself, but with them, Im always in last place. The least important person they could think of... Im at this stage where I can only ask "what more do you want ? What more do I have to do? Where did I go wrong? And how do I fix it?". I feel lost man. Word up. Nothing good is coming my way, and I feel like I've caused it. Feel like I'm puttin it on myself. Why does it seem the world is turning on me ? I dunno what all of it is, but Im gettin sick of this shit...And I dont think karma has anything to do with it, honestly. I think I just need a change of some sort.... fuck it, Im out. Whining about shit wont make it better....... Current Mood: confused (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, July 17th, 2006
9:52 am	Im up this early ? And im still hyper ? "....this world is run by power, respect, and money/ but too much of a good thing can make you a dummy/ wantin to live day-by-day hoping my life wont turn bloody/ but if the good die young, then Im tryin to be dead by age 20.../" - Afro-dite Yea, Im on that conscious shit. That last line was one of the best I wrote in a long time. Think about it, and tell me if ya know what it means.... But anyway, I have no idea why Im up this early. Got up about 9. I couldnt sleep I guess. I've had alot of things on my mind....which might also explain why Im writing weird metaphors that take way too much thought to decipher like that one up there... Doesnt really matter though. I finally found my FAVORITE SONG EVER!!!! "Can I get witcha (Dj noodles remix)" by Notorious B.I.G. This song is the reason I started rapping in the first place!!! I heard it back in 9th grade and I've been hooked ever since!!! It took me so long to find it becuase I couldnt remember which DJ it was that remixed it. Truly a hip-hop classic. And also the only reason Im still awake right now....I really need to listen to krystal and go to bed early, but I love late nights!!! Oh well...you stay up all night, and ya gotta pay the price... Im bored. Nothing to do around here. We gotta get together and go back to the mall again...er somethin....that was fun.....By the way, thanks for buyin my ticket Bryan! Forgot to thank ya! Im gonna go eat somethin now, afro-boy is hungry....time for pop tarts Peace, Love, and Hip-Hop Current Mood: hyper Current Music: "Can I get witcha" by Notorious B.I.G. (Comment on this)
Friday, July 14th, 2006
1:52 pm	Im all hyped up!!! "Yo, it's the A to the F to the RO (afro)/" giving you my side of "the view" like I was "star jones/"... Woo!!! Ya'll smell that smoke? 'Cause Im on FIRE!!!! Im burnin up!!!! FIYAAAA!!! Waddup, its afro homie, the one and only (Im so good at that!). Back again to ramble and rant about whatever it is that pops up in my crazy mind underneath all this hair. Went to the movies last night. It was "Kool" like "the ciggarettes" (my new adlib, Kool huh?). Krystal planned it as a little celebration for my b-day. And I have to say I liked it, opposed to doing absolutley nothing like I had planned to do. Sydney and Bryan came too. It was cool seeing everybody again. It's kinda been a long time since I last saw 'em. Well...I actually walked right past Bryan at the mall without really knowing it was him (we made eye contact and everything...I dunno how that happened. I Wasnt thinking I guess....) but its still been a long time anyhow. We saw "Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Man's Chest". It was pretty good, though I didnt understand it very much. I never saw the first one, so I missed alot of important stuff. It was all great anyway. Nothin like a day chillin' wit yer friends over a sub and a good movie. Thanx for it all krys! Love ya!! I've been rap battling alot lately. I forgot why, but I had stopped for a while. Might've been 'cause I was frustrated from a battle I lost er somethin'...I dunno. But now Im back!!!! And Im killin' em!!! Ive had three or four battles this week, and I havent even come close to losing. Yeeeaaa!!!! I got dat fiiiyyyaaaaa!!!!! Im at this point where I feel like nobody can step to me lyrically! Alot of people that once said I was no-where near thier level are now showing me respect. Im lovin it!!! This is a new era!!! The "Afro Era"!!! Im a rap god!!! Let my reign over the hip-hop world begin!!!! well...now that I got that all that cockiness and stuff out...Im gonna go get somethin to eat. Crushing everyone in sight with my lyrical power makes me hungry.... Im out!!! -Afro Boi! Current Mood: happy Current Music: C.R.E.A.M. by Wu-tang clan (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 12th, 2006
8:58 am	well...thats sucked....alot Waddup! Yesterday was my b-day. Im finally 16! Though it's too bad I had to turn a year older like that.... Man, I dont like to complain, but my birthday sucked ass! I usually dont do anything much (or at all), but it's just my luck that I would have to go outta town the one day I make plans.... My dad went up to Virginia a couple days ago to visit my aunt. That same day his ragedy ass car breaks down! He had to take a rental to get back here. So what does that have to do wit me? Well, he needs me to go back up there with him to help him fix it. He didnt tell me about it until it was about 12:30 a.m., so it was too late to tell anybody (sorry kairiki) *sarcasm* Great eh? And it gets even better when he realizes that he really didnt need me in the first place when we get there.... So I took that damn 3-hour trip up there just to sit on my ass and do nothing all day... And if anybody knows me, they know that I hate sittin on my ass doing nothing when I could be doing something else...like going to the movies... So we just got back around 3 this morning, and Im kinda tired being that I didnt go to bed until about 4:30....and it's 9 somethin' now. I couldnt sleep...so Im here. Well, today's a new day, So maybe I can try it all again... Gotta call everybody and apologize about me going AWOL and see if they're busy today. But for now, Im gonna go get somethin to eat... Peace from the streets! (lol, waddup brian!) -Afro-dite (my new rap alias!) Current Mood: cranky Current Music: "Oh Boy" by dipset (Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 5th, 2006
6:56 pm	The last couple of days..... Waddup! I havent been here in a while, so I might as well talk about what Ive been up to lately..... Man, Im bored...and kinda sleepy. Krystal is outta town, so I dont really have anybody to talk to....though I talk to Brian and Terry now and then. And Im broke too, which is mainly why Im so bored. You cant do much when your wallet is empty, nah'mean. So Im forced to merely think about what I would be doing if I had a pocket full of cash....Wonderful thoughts.... My birthday is next week! Maybe I'll get money then!!!! Cant say Im really exited about my b-day though. Its kinda like any other day...only Im supposed to be older and more mature. I say "supposed to be" because I really dont feel any more mature at all. Everybody says I act like a five year old...and I hear it so much, I honestly believe Im still five sometimes. A five year old wit a beard and a very deep voice...but whatever. I guess I never grew up at heart. But you are what ya are, so why should I pretend to be mature just 'cause Im turning 16? I wont have much of a chance to enjoy my b-day anyhow. It's on a tuesday, and I'll be at summer school, or as I call it: "The Land Of The Flunkies!!!!" It's a rather appropriate name for it too. It's not as bad as I thought either. Honestly, it's easy as hell!! I just gotta read some stuff, memorize it, and take a test on it. And since there's nothin' esle to do, I actually have time to study! Wow! ME!!?? Study!!?? It's amazing!!!! Alot of people are shocked that I can even read!!! So that shit is a breeze.... It's still hot as a pornstar's ass outside! I get a shade darker everytime I step foot out of the door! I wake up in the morning thinking I died in my sleep and went to hell!!! Dammit! This ass-frying heat is mainly why Im still broke. I wanna go and cut people's yards, but that heat sends me running back in for shade.....Fuck!!! As if I need to get any darker!!!! I already got a tan!!! If this keeps up, Im gonna be as black as a piece of charcoal laying in parking lot in the middle of the night!!!! It's hard enough to tell that Im mixed as it is...but this is ridiculous! Im home alone....and it feels weird, 'cause Im almost never home alone....what to do..... ....Man, cant wait for krystal to get back......why's everybody leaving???? Peace Current Mood: mellow (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 28th, 2006
3:26 pm	Im hungry for the money!!!!! But its so damn hot........ Ahh!!!! I need a real job! Im gettin sick of cuttin grass dammit! It's been raining all week, so Ive been outta buissness for a long time. And afro boy is going fuckin BROKE!!!!! And then it finally dries up today, and everybody wants their yard done. Thats good..... but now the problem is that its too damn hot!!!! I walked outside this morning and thought I had died and gone to hell. And it was only 11 o' clock. But money calls! So I gotta work...... But heat and manual labor dont mix for me too well. I feel like a slave.....a slave who gets $40 bucks a yard, but a slave none-the-less...... And then, it always seems to get cooler when Im taking a break. And then when I hop up to get back to work, it gets hot again. And the afro doesnt really help either. It's like a fur coat on my head....... Its never this hot in New York. We have tall buildings to keep us cool. It gets to hot, you just run behind a building. Simple as that. There's just trees down here....most of which dont provide much shade.... Ive been here 6 or 7 years (since 5th grade), and ive gotten 3 shades darker...... That makes no sense...... Now I wish it would rain.....aint that ironic..... oh well....at least im not broke anymore peace! Current Mood: annoyed (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 27th, 2006
11:00 pm	I'll let hip-hop talk for me....... Im feelin like trash right now. My mom just blew up on me after I told her that I failed and all. I dont really feel like talkin about how bad I feel, so I'll let a verse from one of my favorite songs say it for me.... Cee-lo's verse on Outkast's "Git up, Git out" "Nigga, you need to git up, git out and git somethin Don't let the days of your life pass by/ You need to git up, git out and git somethin Don't spend all your time tryin to get high/ You need git up, git out and git somethin How will you make it if you never even try/ You need to git up, git out and git somethin Cuz you and I got to do for you and I/ I don't recall, ever graduatin at all/ Sometimes I feel I'm just a disappointment to y'all/ Every day, I just lay around then I can't be found/ Always asked to give me some livin life like a bum/ Times is rough, my auntie got enough problems of her own/ Nigga, you supposed to be grown/ I agree, I try to be the man I'm 'posed to be/ But negativity is all you seem to ever see/ I admit/ I've done some dumb shit/ And I'm probably gon do some mo'/ You shouldn't hold that against me though/ Why not?/ My music's all that I got/ But some time must be ingested/ for this to be manifested/ I know you know but I'm gon say this to you I.../ Get high but I don't get too high/ So what's the limit 'posed to be?/ That must be why you can't get your ass up out the bed before three/ You need to git up, git out, cut that bullshit out/ Ain't you sick and tired of having to do without/ And what up with all these questions?/ As act as though you know somethin I don't. Do you have any suggestions?/ Cuz every job I get is cruel and demeanin/ Sick of takin trash out and toilet bowl cleanin/ But I'm also sick and tired of strugglin/ I never ever thought I'd have resort to drug smugglin/ Naw, that ain't what I'm about/ Cee-Lo is just continue travelin his route/ Without any doubt or fear/ I know the Lord ain't brought me this far so he could drop me off here/ Did I make myself clear?/" so that's pretty much how Im feelin. like crap..... I need some tea er somethin...... Im out. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, June 26th, 2006
4:15 pm	Feelin' Like A Failure.......Literally Somewhat similar to Kairiki, my school year hasnt been that great at all considering my grades. But the difference between us is that she actually cares about school. I got my report card in the mail the other day, and under my horrible scores it said "RETAINED TO 10th GRADE" in big bold print. The weird part is that I didnt really care. I actually laughed at it. Maybe its 'cause I was having a really good day (finally gave kairiki all her PS2 stuff and felt good about that). Or maybe I was somewhat expecting it so I wasnt at all shocked or depressed about it. Or maybe all my "smile through anything, keep ya head up, everything's cool" attitude has finally gone to my head and I dont know how to take anything seriously anymore. Who knows. Whatever the reason for my delay of reaction has finally worn off though. Partly thanks to this song I listened to this morning, It just hit me. Im just truly realizing that I failed! But thanks to summer school (and barely passing the EOCs) I get a second chance to go to the 11th. But now I cant help but feel like the dummy I am. I feel.....empty.........I think. Im not sure. But I dont like it. Oh well. summer school starts next week. guess I have no choice but to go and live through it. I suppose I deserve it anyway. So might as well enjoy it.....or somethin like that. I dunno..... Im out. Peace. (5 Comments |Comment on this)
10:04 am	Afro boy is sleepy............ Well, it's about 9:30 a.m., and im tired. The fact that I just went to sleep about 5 hours ago doesnt really help either, but what the hell. I gotta be up anyway, so might as well do something fun since I cant sleep. I first came to this site 'cause kairiki (my bestest friend in the whole wide world!!!) told me to check out her journal. I did, and thought this place was pretty cool, so I signed up myself. Despite the fact that Im falling asleep at my computor, im enjoying it so far. .......and since going back to bed is all I can think about right now, I might as well ramble about that for a while. I like staying up late. And when I say late, I mean so late that I am just going to bed around the time my cousin leaves for work in the mornig. I am at my prime when the moon is out and the rest of the world is asleep. Late at night I do everything from watching tv (adult swim mostly) to writing lyrics, blasting my music, eating, thinking, going outside for those 2 a.m. walks, and occasionally calling my friends, though I know they wont pick up at 3:30 in the morning. Then I always end my wonderful moonlight festival with a nice nap until 12:30 or so. Ahh...the life of the night owl. Great isnt it ? But you're probably wondering "what are you doing up at 7 o'clock, when you just went to bed around 4 ?". Good question. How can I possibly be awake and functioning properly ( Im typing for god's sake !!!!) at this hour with under 4 hours of sleep. I dont know the answer to that either. I think the only thing keeping me awake is the soft melody of "fly me to the moon" playing in the background. And thats starting to make me sleepy too..... As to why I am awake anyway, lies a simple explanation. My cousin...... The wonderful, energetic, young woman who I look up to as a motherly figure realized that she didnt have work today, and wanted to have a little fun......by torturing me. She always tells me not to stay up so late, but I obviously never listen. So as my punishment, she woke me up around 7. I would just go crawl back to bed, but my cousin has a very painful method of waking me up..... And I dont feel like getting hit in the balls anymore, so I think I'll just sit here and fight to stay concious. Crazy sagitarious people....She reminds me of Kairiki sometimes. Dammit, always pickin on the Cancers........ Man, Im too fuckin tired!!!! *passes out on top of keyboard* Im out! (1 Comment |Comment on this)